


i'm gonna love you out loud

by angelshapes



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Getting Together, King of New York Mark Lee, M/M, Mark is also very nervous, Mark is very oblivious, Pining, Romance, There's barely a plot, isn't it enough to have Johnny flirting with Mark on the streets of NYC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:47:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24829333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelshapes/pseuds/angelshapes
Summary: The streets of New York City are filthy or the one where Mark gets drunk and tries hard to be a lot less obvious about his mortifying crush on Johnny.Set right after the “JOHNNY and MARK go on a walk in NY Central Park, ha!” episode of Johnny’s Communication Center.
Relationships: Mark Lee/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 68
Kudos: 480





	i'm gonna love you out loud

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling super nostalgic about pre-Rona NYC and hanging out with pals in K-town. Also, most importantly, Johnny and Mark did that tea-making vlive and then they did back to back menpas and broke my brain. Hope they’re happy! 
> 
> Special shoutout to my King of New York, Mark Lee and the five formative years he lived in Queens.
> 
> Thank you to Su for planting this idea in my head and thank you to Tori for betaing. 
> 
> The title of this fic is from "Electric Hearts" by WayV.

“I actually meant that you know,” Mark tells him as he sets the camera down on the counter next to him.

Johnny looks at him and Mark promptly remembers how it feels to have the weight of Johnny's gaze on him without the prying eyes of the camera. Mark blushes a little, but he doesn’t back down.

“JCC,” he explains. “I’m happy about it. I’m happy for you, hyung. You’ve done- you’re doing a really good job.”

Johnny smiles the kind of smile he only gets around Mark — where the corners of his lips turn up and he looks at Mark like he’s both the most fascinating and most ridiculous person he’s ever encountered. He takes a small sip of his latte before speaking.

“Thank you, Mark Lee….So do you want to get out of here?”

Mark, who was always down for whatever — especially when it came to Johnny — didn’t hesitate. “Yeah of course.”

After paying the bill and then convincing their staff to let them set off on the streets of Manhattan alone, they made their way in the opposite direction of Central Park.

Johnny, Mark learned early on into their friendship, had no problem with silence. He was perfectly comfortable with letting conversations die out around him until the silence grew heavy and awkward. Mark, on the other hand, couldn’t stand it. He felt the need jump in and fill pauses.

“So,” he begins after they’d been walking quietly for several moments, “Do you have a plan or are we just sightseeing?”

“A bit of both…you ever been on the subway?”

Mark makes a face, “Isn’t it a little...dirty.”

“Well that’s not very King of New York of you,” he gestures to the 5th Avenue subway entrance a few feet ahead of them. “Come on, I’m a pro.”

He skips down the staircase and Mark has to jog to catch up to him. “You and Doyoung-hyung did this _one_ time…and didn’t you get lost?”

“Johfam doesn’t know that,” Johnny says before walking up to the Metrocard machine and pulling out his wallet. “The magic of television.”

❖❖❖❖

When they finally squeeze onto the packed R train, after a particularly disastrous showdown with the subway turnstile (“No swipe the _other_ way, Mark. No, not my left, your left. The _other_ way.”) Mark realizes he has another problem. While he appreciates the way Johnny lets him lean against the subway pole, Mark is also acutely aware of how Johnny has boxed him in. One of his hands is wrapped on the pole just above Mark’s ear and his other hand rested lightly but possessively on Mark’s hip.

“W-what stop do we get off?” he asks, his voice quieter than he’d meant it. Johnny leans in closer to hear him and so Mark swallows before trying again. “Which stop?”

“34th, I’ll let you know.”

Mark decides to pass the time by determinedly not thinking about Johnny’s thumb that had slipped just under the bottom of his tee shirt and was making absent circles on Mark’s skin. It feels scorched and sunburn hot.

First, Mark tries to people-watch. He makes eye contact with a few passengers and sends them small smiles. But after receiving one too many glares, he decides to look up at the digital subway map. It lights up at every station and he decides that’s a much safer way to pass the time. 57 Street...49th Street....

When the train pulls into Times Square, Johnny leans in again, this time Mark feels his lips brush his ear. “We’re next.”

Mark pulls away and laughs instinctively, “Dude.”

Johnny smiles before briefly tightening his grip on Mark’s hip and then letting go all together.  
  
❖❖❖❖  
  
When they get back on street level, the first thing Mark notices is that there are a lot more people here than there was back uptown.

“Dude,” Mark says before hooking a finger in the front pocket of Johnny’s jeans. “It’s mad crowded.”

“That’s Midtown, baybee. Come on, I was thinking maybe we could get one of those dollar pizza slices. You know, for the experience.”

Mark must have done a shitty job of hiding his disgust because Johnny stops walking. “You know...how am I with dairy, hyung,” he says, a little embarrassed and unable to keep the whine out of his voice.

“What’s a little flatulence between friends? And it’s not like I’m not used to it,” Johnny fires back, winking and then elbowing him.

Mark pouts, “ _Hyung_.”

Johnny laughs before holding his hands up in defeat. “Okay fine fine. Whatever Markie wants he gets.”

Mark knew he was only teasing but that didn’t stop him from feeling heat bloom across his cheeks, his ears and then travel much _much_ further south.  
  
❖❖❖❖

“Dude how’d you even find this place,” Mark says shifting on his chair.

The bar was hidden away in a nondescript building. They had to bypass a doorman and take a small elevator up several floors just to get to it. New York, Mark learned, or at least Ktown, was weird like that. Since there was no space to build out, they built _up_. While walking on the narrow but bustling 32nd street, Mark noticed restaurants stacked on top of restaurants stacked on top of bars stacked on top of more restaurants.

When the doors of the elevator opened up, Mark was surprised at how big the place was.

“Table for two?” the hostess asks.

Johnny nods and then places a hand lightly at the small of Mark’s back as they both follow the hostess to a round table in the back corner of the room. It’s not lost on Mark that Johnny moves the stool so he’s sitting next to Mark instead of across from him.

“Yo, this place is nice,” Mark observes, twisting his neck to survey the rest of the room.

One side of the bar is all floor-to-ceiling windows, giving visitors an unobstructed view of the street below. The other side of the bar had a wall of wine bottles neatly arranged behind glass tiles.

The seating was a mix of long, high rectangle tables and traditional bar stools, perfect for big groups and then smaller, more intimate round tables, like the one Mark and Johnny were seated at.

The bar itself was mainly empty considering most people were probably at home on their 3 or 4 plate of food…or sleeping off their 3 or 4 plate of food. Besides Johnny and Mark, there were only six other patrons.

Two women sharing a bottle of wine in one corner, three middle-aged guys taking bites from two large sizzling platters of soondae and kimchi bokkeumbap in the middle of their table, and one guy closer to the middle of the room scrolling through his phone with a half-filled glass of beer in front of him.

“Well, I’m wining and dining you, Mark,” Johnny says before pulling off his brown fleece jacket.

The hostess quickly came over to show Johnny where he could store the piece of outerwear. The cushioned top of his stool lifted up to reveal a little storage section at the base of the seat.

“Dude,” Mark says, voice way too loud against the dulcet hum of the bar. “That’s cool.” He jumps up, lifting the cushion of his own seat before pulling off his beanie and jacket and stowing it away.

When he sits back down, he asks Johnny again. “How’d you find this place?”

“It’s called Yelp, Mark.”

“No I know but like. You’re so good at it. Like navigating. Dude, you should be like a person who finds places in different cities. You know? Like people can come to you to help them navigate and explore stuff.”

After taking a sip of beer from the glass that was already wet and dripping with condensation, Johnny smiled. “So…a tour guide? Is this your way of saying my services are no longer needed in NCT 127, SM’s sweetheart Mark Lee.”

Mark laughs — forced and breathy. Only he could accidentally make a compliment sound like he wanted Johnny to leave the group. “Dude,” he hits Johnny arm, “Don’t call me that. And of course not. I just mean like. It’s nice. You’re good at...adventure.”

Johnny makes a big show of feigning pain and rubbing the spot Mark hit. When Mark blushes and mumbles out an apology, Johnny takes Mark’s hand and pulls it into his lap under the table which makes Mark red hot with nerves.

“Glad you’re keeping me. How lucky for me,” Johnny says, looking down thoughtfully at the menu before calling a waiter over.

The thing with Johnny is this: he makes Mark feel completely out of his element.

Mark isn’t a person who ever feels particularly _in_ his element, but Johnny has a way of taking his already shaky worldview and flipping it on his axis.

Sometimes he’ll hang out with Johnny and feel like things are totally chill between them. Just two bros hanging out and being completely platonic because although one bro has had a massive crush on the other bro for almost the entire time he’s _known_ him, he’s way too shy to ever make a move. And beside, that bro is way out of league and he knows that, he’s not _stupid_.

But other times...like tonight, it feels different. Like is it totally chill for two bros to sit in a dimly lit corner of a bar with one bro’s hand gently but firmly held as the other bro absentmindedly strokes circles with his thumb against his palm? Or…is it flirting?

“Mark.”

Mark jerks out of his thoughts hard enough that his knee hits the table and spills the glass of water in front of him. Both Johnny and the waiter move to wipe it up. Smooth as ever, Lee.

“Sorry,” he apologizes. “Sorry I totally spaced, dude. What were you saying?”

“Well I asked if watermelon soju was okay but it looks like I really shouldn’t be encouraging any further impairment of your motor skills.” Johnny reaches over and tugs at his ear before sliding his hand down to cup his neck.

Mark feels like a billion live wires are just beneath the surface of his skin, but he laughs loud and bright anyway.

“Soju’s okay?” the waiter asks looking anxious to get away from them and…whatever the fuck this is that they’re doing.

“It’s great, thanks so much.”

“Hyung….” Mark decides and then promptly undecides to address the big gay elephant in the room in the same second. He trails off.

“Markie….” Johnny mimics.

Mark’s not drunk enough for this. In fact, Mark has a sneaking suspicion that he’ll never be drunk enough for this.

“I had a good time today.”

“Yeah?”

“Like dang, we were on TV! And then we were in the park. Mark and Johnny. Johnny and Mark. Seeing sights. Doing things...like did your mom watch us, you think?”

“Do I think my mom watched her only son do a once-in-a-lifetime performance on the most watched, televised event of the holiday?” Johnny laughs. “Yeah Mark, I think she did.”

When the soju arrives, served in half of a hollowed out watermelon, Mark can’t stop his eyes from widening.

“Daaaang, this is wild,” he says when the waiter sets in down in front of him.

He takes a long sip from one of the straws but quickly finds himself more interested in using his spoon to scrape pieces of the fruit from the shell and shovel it into his mouth.

“If you only wanted watermelon, we could have just hit up the HMart down the street.”

“No, this is good. I’m good,” Mark leans further and takes an even longer sip to prove his point.  
  
❖❖❖❖  
  
“Isn’t it weird how like…this could have been my life?” Mark says apropos nothing.

“You’re losing me,” Johnny tells him.

They’re even closer now, Mark’s right thigh is almost entirely on top of Johnny’s left one. Mark doesn’t even remember how it happened, which is usually the case when he gets a little alcohol in him. He’s always been a touchy drunk. After a few drinks, he forgets to feel self-conscious and is always consumed with the need to lean in and feel the warmth and softness of whichever drinking partner is closest.

“Like if I didn’t move back to Canada, you know? Like this could have been me,” he says, using one hand to gesture to the room.

Johnny, who now has one arm thrown around Mark’s shoulders and is playing with the wispy hairs at the nape of his neck. “I don’t know if you got the memo, Mark…but this _is_ you actually. We’re actually here RIGHT NOW.”

Mark laughs. Too loud. Always too loud. “No like, I mean. This could have been my life, I think. Like maybe I would have gotten a normal job or something. I would have worn a suit.”

“You _do_ look good in suits.”

“Dude,” Mark hits him and then just…kind of leaves his hand there. Lets his fingers walk their way up Johnny’s forearm, until he’s just softly pinching at and then smoothing the soft skin of Johnny’s elbow. “I just mean like- like don’t you ever think about what it would have been like if you didn’t leave Chicago.”

Johnny nods. “I could have been the very successful owner of a string of Pizza Hut franchises,” he quips.

“You do look good in an apron,” Mark says before immediately pulling the watermelon closer and taking a long gulp.

“Cheeky!” Johnny says before whispering in his ear, “Thank you for noticing.”

Mark feels like a legion of fire ants are marching formations on the surface of his skin. This was flirting right? This had to be flirting.

“Hyung,” Mark turns to face Johnny and quickly realizes he’s much closer than he thought. “Is this…are we-“

“Are we….?”

Mark feels Johnny’s exhale on his lips, light and warm. “Dude,” he laughs nervously. “I’m kind of hungry.”

“You’re…hungry,” Johnny says, dropping his hand from Mark’s neck and scooting away so their thighs are no longer touching. Mark feels the distance like a shot to his gut and he has to physically bite down on a whine.

“Yeah, can we get air? I mean uh food? Food and air.”

Johnny sighs. “Sure Markie, whatever you want.”  
  
❖❖❖❖

They end up getting bungeoppang.

After walking north on 32nd, they stop at a packed cafeteria where Johnny orders and then pays for the dessert. He also buys a can of sikhye and a bottle of water and he makes Mark drink the entire can and most of the water before turning on his heels and heading back outside.

Mark follows him behind him, feeling confused, a little because of the alcohol sitting heavy in the stomach but mostly because of the shift in the mood.

Mark can’t help but feeling like he fucked up somehow.

He bites into the bungeoppang, it’s warm and soft in the middle and crispy at the edges but he might as well be eating ash. Johnny is quiet as he walks next to him and Mark can’t taste shit but his own nervousness.

And worst of all, Johnny has stopped _touching_ him.

As they weave through the crowded, past a Nature Republic store and then past a BBQ Olive chicken, Mark can only focus on how he no longer feels Johnny’s guiding hands on him.

He even decides to test out the theory, to see if it’s all in his head. He lets the back of his hand brush up against Johnny’s. But when Johnny doesn’t link their fingers before joking, “You trying to hold my hand, Mark Lee.” Mark is a little embarrassed at how genuinely upset it makes him. He’s devastated.

 _Whatever._  
  
He isn’t gonna fucking cry on the streets of Manhattan just because Johnny Suh refused to hold his stupid hand. But then-

“Shit Mark, are you...crying?”

Fuck.

“What? No,” he says, his voice sounding suspiciously watery.

Alcohol was poison, Mark decides just then. He was never going to drink again.

“Wait,” Johnny pulls him off the sidewalk and onto the side of the street so they’re standing without obstructing either foot traffic or vehicle traffic. They’re standing between two parked cars and next to a mountain of garbage bags that would be truly impressive in its height and girth if it wasn’t so fucking gross. “Look at me.”

Instead, Mark focuses on the murky trail of liquid leading from Mt. Garbage to a gutter just a few feet in the distance. New York was actually filthy. How anyone made the concerted effort to live here willingly was beyo-

“Look at me." This time Johnny uses one hand to lift Mark’s chin. He forces their gazes to meet. “You okay?”

Mark nods. “‘S dumb.”

“Hey,” he lifts his hand to stroke under Mark’s cheek. And though the touch is impossibly soft, Mark feels fire ants and electricity which only makes the knot at this throat feel bigger.

“This is so stupid,” he says but then he just goes for it. “Hyung, was this...I mean- is this a date?”

Johnny doesn’t answer immediately. Mark doesn’t know how long it takes. Seconds? Maybe minutes? In that time though, he plans 10 different ways to quit the company, move back to Vancouver, and then change his name and his phone number. He hopes Taeyong won’t be too mad at him for disappearing three months before their comeback but Taeyong’s a Cancer, he’ll forgive him eventually.

“Shit sorry,” Mark rushes out, “Shit I am so so so sorry Johnny. I didn’t - just forget it. SHIT!”

He tries to pull away but Johnny won’t let him. Instead, Johnny lifts both of his hands and places them on either side of Mark’s neck.

And Mark? Well quite frankly, Mark is confused as fuck. Because Johnny isn’t saying anything but he also isn’t running away even though Mark just screwed up 6 years of friendship and ruined their careers by making shit awkward.

But Johnny…isn’t running away.

“Did you want it to be a date?” he asks Mark finally.

Mark swallows. This feels like a trap. “Is this a trap?”

“It’s not a trap, Mark,” Johnny bites down on his lip before staring intently at him. “I just really need to hear you say it.”

Mark was probably misreading this. Like this was still chill, right? Like just two bros platonically standing in the middle of the street, chests pressed together with one bro torn between staring at his bro’s lips or staring deeply into his eyes. But, just in case he wasn’t misreading it….

“Yeah,” Mark tells him. “I really wanted this to be a date.”

Mark doesn’t get to contemplate all of the ways he just set fire to his life as he knew it because, inexplicably, he feels Johnny pull him closer. He pulls him closer, leans down and he fucking KISSES Mark. It’s gentle at first, just a few feather light closed mouth pecks. But then Mark feels Johnny’s tongue and Mark is all too eager to oblige.

Mark tilts his head up and wraps his arms around Johnny’s neck to help them get a better angle. It’s only when Johnny lifts him off the ground for a few moments that he breaks the kiss to finally catch his breath.

“Dude,” Mark says in a daze. His feet were back on the ground and he was incandescently happy. “Dude, you kissed me.”

Johnny laughs and rolls his eyes. “Yeah dude, I totally did,” he says before leaning in and doing it again.

.fin.  
  
  
  
  
come yell about Mark Lee's Lost Queens Years with me over on[ twitter](https://twitter.com/silver_spooning)!   
  



End file.
